The other day, someone started a thread on Ravelry about how people should smile in their finished object photos and how designers should use smiling models. Selfies or otherwise. Lots of people went in and explained reasons why folks don't smile in photos. Folks went in and mentioned disliking photos where there's more hair/face than crafted item.
Then the OP, who may have been sensing that the tide was not with them, posted links to pages as examples. This cowl she liked more because the model smiled. That one she didn't like as much because the model was not smiling.
Someone posted a photo of their partner wearing a beautiful hand-knit sweater not looking happy at all. It was explained that he is funny, light-hearted and smiles often but not so much in photos. (I'm para-phrasing here.) People mentioned they smile in photos and it doesn't go well. Or that they just photograph well.
Happily, a mod wandered in and removed the links posted as examples and the thread was locked.
Thankfully, I saw all this from the comfort and warmth of my bed on a Sunday morning and stayed out of it for the most part. I did flag a post but that's because of this simple fact...
Not everyone looks great in photos. Not everyone wants to be judged by how they look. Not everyone wants everyone to see what they look like... and I like to think that most of us are not looking for praise from others.
Honestly? I would curl up and die if someone did that to me.
I used to go around with a man who was always telling me to smile. I was young and took it. Now, after having been put through so much crap by so many people, I would not take it. I would explain that how I look may not relate to how I'm feeling, that it's not my job to look pretty for anyone, and that men telling women to smile is just bullshit. How I look or feel or come across is on no one but me.
There's a reason we don't see a lot of me on this blog, people. There's a reason it took me 20 minutes to get a semi-okay photo of my new hairstyle for my girlies on the faceyspace. There's a reason it's a huge trust issue for me these days.
I am unbelievably insecure and twitchy. I know why. I know where it came from, and I really am working on it. However, very few people know the whys/whos and it's staying that way because I don't need more people talking about me than are already. I'll survive and I will be fine.
My point? Not my job to look the way you want me to look. Or do what you want. Or think how you think I should. What I do is not for you. I know that's shocking for all those emotionally fat judgy bitches out there who can't just be happy but too bad. Spare us all the entitlement, thanks.
Oh, and I knit a pair of socks...
I took them to my LYs this morning and Babetta, the owner, commented on how matchy they are. I reminded her that she shouldn't be surprised because she knows me. She laughed and agreed.
Those socks are my love letter to being compulsive and controlling. They are not perfect but close enough to make me happy. Right now, that's all that matters.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some hooking to do.
I know right!
I'm with you, sistah! If people don't like me the way I am naturally, then I don't really need 'em in my life. I'm happy (enough*) the way I am.
* Although if 20 or 30 lbs wanted to wander away, I wouldn't chase 'em down
Posted by: iammo | Tuesday, March 11, 2014 at 04:19 PM
my brain is mush from too much sewing (and I'm angry because someone else asked to cancel an order because their husband is upset so most of my brainpower is focused on not driving to their house and choking them both), all I've got is a bunch of xoxoxo for you and I know that's okay ;) xo
Posted by: JessaLu | Tuesday, March 11, 2014 at 05:10 PM
Love the socks.
xoxoxox
Posted by: Angie | Tuesday, March 11, 2014 at 06:07 PM
I've gassed up the toyota and I'm coming over the hill and stealing those socks. I adore them!
Posted by: silvia | Tuesday, March 11, 2014 at 06:28 PM
You rock the matchy matchy world. I didn't think you could pull it off, but you did. I bow to your greatness. We have discussed the other often and we both know that acceptance is a dish best served by someone who understands what love really is. Pardon the paraphrase, but it's my comment and I can say whatever I wanna. Hugs, Sweeties.
Posted by: CindyCindy | Tuesday, March 11, 2014 at 06:55 PM
The socks are so beautiful!! I love the colors!!
xxoo
Posted by: Kathleen | Tuesday, March 11, 2014 at 07:05 PM
Hee hee. That's all I am going to say about the photo stuff.
Love those socks. You do good work. Bet you are good hooker too. :) xoxo Got to go winter is coming again!
Posted by: Helen | Tuesday, March 11, 2014 at 07:15 PM
Happy hooking!
I hear ya on the smiling in photos - I always panic when I'm expected to look smiley for the camera since I know that I'll end up looking like a deranged harpy...
Posted by: gayle | Wednesday, March 12, 2014 at 05:31 AM
One of my biggest pet peeves is being told to smile. Enough of that...love, love, love the socks! The colors are fabu and, of course, they're perfectly matchy, matchy!! Keep up the hooking!
Posted by: margene | Wednesday, March 12, 2014 at 05:41 AM
Hooking like in rug? (I KNOW NOT THE OTHER ONE!) Oh I want to do that too! Those socks are spectacular!!! And I've never taken a good picture in my life. I'm getting okay with it though because the people that love us always thing we look great and if the picture is really horrible - than we just laugh!
Posted by: Patty | Wednesday, March 12, 2014 at 06:54 AM
The guard at my office building is always telling me to smile more. Um, no, dude.
Posted by: susan | Wednesday, March 12, 2014 at 07:50 AM
Your socks are fantastic! I love them:)
Posted by: Karen | Wednesday, March 12, 2014 at 08:18 AM
Screw bitches like that. Everyone should be true to themselves, and that's all that counts.
Those socks are as perfect as anyone could make them, I'm sure. Especially with that yarn, and cutting out pieces of it. They're lovely!
Posted by: Cheryl S. | Wednesday, March 12, 2014 at 09:09 AM
Your socks were much better behaved than the ones I just finished (there was a knot in my Opal. A KNOT. I am still fuming.)
Posted by: Ruth | Wednesday, March 12, 2014 at 12:42 PM
Smiling on command in a photo is always a struggle and sometimes best not even tried for. Unless it's something you are truly thrilled about!
You have a new hairdo???
Absolutely positively love those socks!
Happy Hooking!
xoxo
Posted by: Marilyn | Wednesday, March 12, 2014 at 04:02 PM
I get so ragey when people tell me to smile. I do NOT get ragey when I see fabu socks knit by you! xxx
Posted by: Beverly | Thursday, March 13, 2014 at 05:34 AM
You hooker! I remember when that used to be a catch phrase for my fabulous gay men. Is it still? I really need to go find myself some. It's been far too long since I've had a gay man in my life.
Posted by: Stacey | Thursday, March 13, 2014 at 06:36 AM
Well said. I love seeing your knitting. I love the fact that you are so giving to your friends. Keep on being you.
Posted by: Margaret Davis | Thursday, March 13, 2014 at 10:05 AM
That's why I always wait for Dan to take my picture, rather than post selfies - he does a good job of making me look decent. I hate smiling for pictures. And, damn, really, on FO pictures I want to see the item, not the model.
I get snappy when people tell me to smile. Fuck that.
Love the socks! How do they fit? Are they warm??
Posted by: Datagoddess | Thursday, March 13, 2014 at 02:47 PM
I once heard the explanation that the reason models, runway and print, don't smile is because if they smile, you notice the *model* but if they aren't smiling you are more likely to notice *what they are modeling*. So there's that.
Posted by: Anne | Thursday, March 13, 2014 at 02:53 PM